var number = Math.round(Math.random()*129);
var text = QuoteText(number);
document.write(text);

function QuoteText(number){
	var Quote = new Array();
	Quote[0] = ""Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."";
	Quote[1] = ""If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten." - George Carlin";
	Quote[2] = ""Punctuality is the virtue of the bored." - Evelyn Waugh";
	Quote[3] = ""It's a real primal thing, watching someone get hurt. It's funny and accessible." - Johnny Knoxville";
	Quote[4] = ""I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." - Noel Coward";
	Quote[5] = ""Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter." - Dave Barry";
	Quote[6] = ""Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!"";
	Quote[7] = ""The definition of a hacker ? Someone who, after installing a new program, goes immediately into the [Tools][Options] menu."";
	Quote[8] = ""/* You are not expected to understand this */"";
	Quote[9] = ""Dude, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm afraid you've been hacked — the FTP server at 127.0.0.1 has all your personal files. See for yourself; just log in with your normal id."";
	Quote[10] = ""A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you." - Jay Leno";
	Quote[11] = ""I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by." - Douglas Adams";
	Quote[12] = ""When you come to a fork in the road ... Take it." - Yogi Berra";
	Quote[13] = ""I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween."";
	Quote[14] = ""The best way to cheer yourself is to cheer somebody else up." - Mark Twain";
	Quote[15] = ""The miracle is this - the more we share, the more we have." - Leonard Nimoy";
	Quote[16] = ""Hope is the dream of the waking man." - Aristotle";
	Quote[17] = ""Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late." - John Alexander Thom";
	Quote[18] = ""An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex." - Edgar Wallace";
	Quote[19] = ""Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people."";
	Quote[20] = ""If you steal from one author, it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many, it’s research." - Wilson Mizner";
	Quote[21] = ""The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." - Albert Einstein";
	Quote[22] = ""The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all art and science." - Albert Einstein";
	Quote[23] = ""It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question." - Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes";
	Quote[24] = ""Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them." - Albert Einstein";
	Quote[25] = ""When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped." - Marcel Achard";
	Quote[26] = ""A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore." - Yogi Berra";
	Quote[27] = ""Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning." - Albert Einstein";
	Quote[28] = ""Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." - Thomas Edison";
	Quote[29] = ""Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the one that is open." - Alexander Graham Bell";
	Quote[30] = ""Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software." - Arthur C Clarke";
	Quote[31] = ""I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's another thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners." - Jeff Stilson";
	Quote[32] = ""Most vegetables are something God invented to let women get even with their children. A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussels sprouts never do." - PJ O'Rourk";
	Quote[33] = ""Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?" - Billy Connolly";
	Quote[34] = ""Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy." - George Carlin";
	Quote[35] = ""Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in." - Richard Jeni";
	Quote[36] = ""Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple, learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen." - John Steinbeck";
	Quote[37] = ""I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." - Albert Einstein";
	Quote[38] = ""I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it." - Thomas Jefferson";
	Quote[39] = ""The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad." - Salvador Dali";
	Quote[40] = ""Real success is finding your lifework in the work that you love." - David McCullough";
	Quote[41] = ""The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.""
	Quote[42] = ""A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error." - Dennis Miller"
	Quote[43] = ""I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." - Charles Lamb"
	Quote[44] = ""All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work." - Steve Martin"
	Quote[45] = ""Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm." - Winston Churchill"
	Quote[46] = ""People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing." - Andrew Carnegie"
	Quote[47] = ""Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison." - Tim Allen"
	Quote[48] = ""I was a bank teller. That was a great job. I was bringing home $450,000 a week." - Joel Lindley"
	Quote[49] = ""Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one." - Bill Gates"					 	 
	Quote[50] = ""Imagination is the key to my lyrics. The rest is painted with a little science fiction." - Jimi Hendrix";
	Quote[51] = ""I was the kid next door's imaginary friend." - Emo Phillips";
	Quote[52] = ""All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand." - Steven Wright";
	Quote[53] = ""A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." - Winston Churchill";
	Quote[54] = ""An optimist is a man who starts a crossword puzzle with a fountain pen. "";
	Quote[55] = ""Have you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control are already born?" - Benny Hill";
	Quote[56] = ""The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they'll sleep at night." - Otto Von Bismarck";
	Quote[57] = ""Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book." - Ronald Reagan";
	Quote[58] = ""The definition of a beautiful woman is one who loves me." - Sloan Wilson";
	Quote[59] = ""Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first." - Ronald Reagan";
	Quote[60] = ""I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do." - Lenny Bruce";
	Quote[61] = ""And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." - Abraham Lincoln";
	Quote[62] = ""I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell." - Garry Shandling";
	Quote[63] = ""My experience has taught me that a man who has no vices has damned few virtues." - Abraham Lincoln";
	Quote[64] = ""Pity your boss. The poor guy has to get up early to see who comes in late." - Jocob Braude";
	Quote[65] = ""I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry." - Rita Rudner";
	Quote[66] = ""When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason." - Molly McGee";
	Quote[67] = ""I asked the barmaid for a quickie. The man next to me said, 'It's pronounced quiche'" - Luigi Amaduzzi";
	Quote[68] = ""Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be." - Rita Rudner";
	Quote[69] = ""I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something." - Jackie Mason";
	Quote[70] = ""A goal is a dream with a deadline."";
	Quote[71] = ""As you think so you are - As you Imagine so you become!"";
	Quote[72] = ""Those who can do, those who can't teach." - George Bernard Shaw";
	Quote[73] = ""Its not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog." - Mark Twain";
	Quote[74] = ""The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made." - Groucho Marx";
	Quote[75] = ""The future ain't what it used to be." - Yogi Berra";
	Quote[76] = ""Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction." - Albert Einstein";
	Quote[77] = ""The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet." - Aristotle";
	Quote[78] = ""Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself."";
	Quote[79] = ""Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill." - Johnny Carson";
	Quote[80] = ""I am not a demon. I am a lizard, a shark, a heat-seeking panther. I want to be Bob Denver on acid playing the accordion." - Nicholas Cage";
	Quote[81] = ""You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer." - Frank Zappa";
	Quote[82] = ""Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex." - Bill Maher";
	Quote[83] = ""I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts." - Will Rogers";
	Quote[84] = ""There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." - Will Rogers";
	Quote[85] = ""I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again." - Joan Rivers";
	Quote[86] = ""When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead." - Jeff Shaw";
	Quote[87] = ""I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance...she leaned over and pushed me."";
	Quote[88] = ""Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? ...He's a mile away and you've got his shoes." - Billy Connolly";
	Quote[89] = ""Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way." - Harry Hill";
	Quote[90] = ""In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is." - Yogi Berra";
	Quote[91] = ""One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork." - Edward Abbey";
	Quote[92] = "" I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up." - Lenny Bruce";
	Quote[93] = ""In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some." - Emo Phillips";
	Quote[94] = ""The harder you work, the luckier you get." - Gary Player";
	Quote[95] = ""I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than be a success at something I hate." - George Burns";
	Quote[96] = ""If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail." - Abraham Maslow";
	Quote[97] = ""Knowledge is often mistaken for intelligence. This is like mistaking a glass of milk for a cow."";
	Quote[98] = ""A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." - Emo Phillips";
	Quote[99] = ""When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy." - Dave Berry";
	Quote[100] = ""If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it." - W.C. Fields";
	Quote[101] = ""Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens." - Jimi Hendrix";
	Quote[102] = ""If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts." - Albert Einstein";
	Quote[103] = ""The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order." - Brian Pickrell";
	Quote[104] = ""Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime." - Scott Adams";
	Quote[105] = ""The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein";
	Quote[106] = ""We live in a society exquisitely dependent on science and technology, in which hardly anyone knows anything about science and technology." - Carl Segan";
	Quote[107] = ""A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof was to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams";
	Quote[108] = ""The computer allows you to make mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exception of handguns and tequila." - Mitch Ratcliffe";
	Quote[109] = ""Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein";
	Quote[110] = ""He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever." - Proverb";
	Quote[111] = ""Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' till you can find a rock." - Wynn Catlin";
	Quote[112] = ""Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain -- and most fools do." - Dale Carnegie";
	Quote[113] = ""When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me." - Emo Phillips";
	Quote[114] = ""What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck."";
	Quote[115] = ""My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is." - Ellen DeGeneres";
	Quote[116] = ""My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my yard."";
	Quote[117] = ""You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice." - Tommy Cooper";
	Quote[118] = ""Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin." - Tim Vine";
	Quote[119] = ""Rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read." - Frank Zappa";
	Quote[120] = ""I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?" - Ronnie Shakes";
	Quote[121] = ""Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin";
	Quote[122] = ""Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper." - Robert Frost";
	Quote[123] = ""Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance." - Will Durant";
	Quote[124] = ""If you think education is expensive, try ignorance!" - Andy McIntyre";
	Quote[125] = ""Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow; Don't walk behind me, I may not lead; Walk beside me, and just be my friend." - Albert Camus";
	Quote[126] = ""The statistics on sanity are that one out of every 4 Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you." - Rita Mae Brown";
	Quote[127] = ""There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line." - Oscar Levant";
	Quote[128] = ""Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" - Albert Einstein";
	Quote[129] = ""Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap ... but by the seeds you plant!" - Robert Louis Stevenson";
	return Quote[number];
}